


like real people do

by haruwiki



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Everyone's kinda ooc, M/M, he really hates kaneki, im not sure what i was going for with this, its not really that mature but i tagged it just in case, onesided tsukiyama/kanae, they dont do it in the butt there's just a bit of dong, this is just kanae being angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-13 03:45:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3366545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haruwiki/pseuds/haruwiki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>kanae really, really hates kaneki.</p>
            </blockquote>





	like real people do

**Author's Note:**

> this entire thing is just ridiculously self-indulgent (as is everything i write). i just really love kanae and i feel like there needs to be more stuff written about him u know ?? this was a lot longer than i expected i went off on a bit of a tangent sorry about that enjoy it anyway

Kaneki Ken.

Even the name makes Kanae sick. He _loathes_ him. That ridiculous white hair, those stupid black nails, the pathetic way he always looks as though he's just woken up. What does Shuu see in him?

Every time Shuu comes home, Kanae holds his breath, hoping that perhaps he'll be alone this time. But he hardly ever is. _Kaneki-fucking-kun_ is always with him. It's like they're joined at the hip. Wherever Shuu is, Kaneki's certain to be with him.

And Kanae hates it.

He can't believe how enamored Shuu is. On the rare occasions when Kaneki isn't around and Kanae is able to spend time with him, he's constantly talking about his goddamn boyfriend.

"What jacket should I buy him, Kanae? This one? I think blue would suit him better, though...maybe I'll buy both colours."

Kanae has to smile and nod, agree with him that _yes blue is definitely Kaneki-kun's colour_ even though he wants to strangle Kaneki with the fucking blue jacket, throttle him until he stops breathing. Kanae really, really hates Kaneki Ken.

The way he always looks so smug. The way he shows off all the shit Shuu buys for him. The way he always goes crying to his precious boyfriend when something goes wrong in his sad, sad life. Maybe Kanae hates him because of this. But maybe, somewhere in the back of his mind that he'll never look into, he hates him because he's jealous. Maybe he hates him because he's the one Shuu showers with gifts, the one he talks about with so much fondness, the one he kisses goodnight.

Maybe he hates him because he loves Shuu.

The situation comes (quite literally) to a head at one in the morning when Kaneki's staying over again. Kanae is lying awake, sprawled across the king-size bed, a bed far too big for a seventeen-year-old. He's reading, trying to take his mind off of the fact that Kaneki and Shuu are together on the other side of the wall. They're probably lying together, sleeping, curled up in eachother's arms. They're probably- _oh_.

Kanae hears Shuu's bed begin to hit the wall. Slowly at first, then every couple of seconds, banging against the wall rhythmically.

Oh, for _fuck's sake._

Kanae feels sick. The nausea rises in his stomach, up to his chest. He's going to be sick. He can _hear them_. He can hear Kaneki, calling out Shuu's name. He can hear Shuu's low groans. He doesn't want to get hard from this. He can't get hard from this. It's sick, twisted. But despite all the images of Kaneki he tries to bring to the forefront of his mind to stop the heat that's rapidly pooling in his abdomen, he's undeniably getting off on this. He gives in, feeling more disgusted at himself than ever before, discarding the book and slipping a hand beneath the material of his boxers. His mind is screaming no, no no no this is so fucked up, so wrong, but his hand is moving faster and faster, his cock slick with precum, his hips bucking as he listens to the sounds coming from the other side of the wall.

The sounds are so _erotic_. Kaneki's whines are getting louder, and he's frantically calling out - "Tsukiyama-san! Ah, Tsukiyama!" If Kanae wasn't so turned on right now, he'd probably puke at the sound of someone other than him saying Shuu's name like this, in this situation, but the thought is pushed to the back of his mind as he presses his face into his pillow to conceal the breathy moans threatening to escape his mouth.

He hears, in the midst of his own pleasure, Shuu moaning loudly, _Kaneki-kun, Kaneki-kun, Kaneki-kun,_ and the sound sends Kanae over the edge. He comes with a cry of Shuu's name into his fist and across the silk bedsheets, then takes a few moments to regain composure before tucking himself back into his underwear and collapsing onto the bed.

He cries himself to sleep.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

After that night, things go from bad to worse. Kanae has accepted that he has a small (major) crush on his master, but the acceptance doesn't make him feel any better about it. It pains him to enter Shuu's bedroom every morning, to bring him his breakfast fully aware of the mop of white hair curled into his side. To know that he's not the one Shuu loves, that he'll always be second best. He'll never be able to surpass Kaneki Ken, no matter what happens.

Time passes, and Kaneki is still around. Still annoyingly present in Kanae's life, always in the house, always complaining about his shitty problems, always being comforted by Shuu afterwards. It's irritating, the way Shuu will so quickly let down his cool demeanor for Kaneki, the way he holds him in his arms while he cries, the way he whispers into his ear how it's going to be okay and how much he loves him and how important he is. God, how Kanae wishes Shuu would tell _him_ these things. How he wishes he'd be there, beside him when he's plagued with nightmares, visions of a past rooted deep in his mind.

Sometimes he just wishes Kaneki would _disappear,_ so all memories of him could be forgotten, so Kanae will be the one Shuu cares about the most.

But then he does disappear, and it all goes to shit.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Kaneki Ken is _dead_. He's finally dead, and Kanae should be happy. He's spent so long wishing for him to go, but now he's actually gone and it's worse than before.

After the news reaches them, the news that Kaneki was killed by a CCG investigator, Shuu cries for six hours straight. He doesn't stop, crying and screaming, shouting Kaneki's name, curled up against the pillow Kaneki used to sleep on. Kanae watches over him, heart breaking as he tries to soothe him, but Shuu isn't even aware of his presence. He's holding a shirt of Kaneki's, one that he left at the mansion, one that Kanae distinctly remembers him wearing the last time he saw him. Shuu sobs into it, inhaling the scent of his lost love.

When he finally tires himself out and falls asleep, still crying quietly, Kanae lets his own tears fall. He _shouldn't_ be crying. He isn't sad about Kaneki's death, not at all. He's relieved that he's finally gone. But the pain, the sheer pain and heartbreak Shuu's experiencing grates on Kanae, and he finds himself mourning the loss of not Kaneki Ken, but Tsukiyama Shuu, for he knows that he's broken beyond repair.

Of course, Kanae tries his best to look after him, but it's hard. He'll do nothing but sleep during the day, woken occasionally by his own crying, but when it gets to night, he's forced awake by nightmares, screaming and clinging to Kanae, sobbing into his chest. He comforts him, stroking his hair, holding him close and whispering into his ear that it'll be okay. It's oddly reminiscent of the times he witnessed Shuu doing this with Kaneki after his breakdowns. He doesn't like the familiarity.

After a few months of despair, the constant crying and screaming and shaking, the ever-present nightmares and refusal to eat, Shuu gives up. He gives up altogether, too exhausted to cry, too hungry to starve anymore. When Kanae brings him his breakfast one day, he eats it all, practically shoving the meat down his throat as he begs for another plate. He eats more in that day than he has in the last month put together, and Kanae is pleased, filled with relief that he might, just possibly, be in recovery.

But later on, after a few days of bliss, he falls back into his depression. He doesn't cry anymore, at least not to the point where Kanae has to comfort him, but the silence terrifies him. Shuu just _sleeps_ , and when he's not sleeping he's staring into space, eyes fixed firmly on the ceiling. He still has nightmares almost every night, but he doesn't scream like he used to. He just breathes heavily, whimpering occasionally, letting Kanae hold him. It's almost like he's stopped trying, like he's given up on feeling any emotion, like he's gone completely numb.

Shuu's numb state continues for days, then weeks, then months. He hardly speaks, only answering to Kanae when completely necessary. His hair's growing out, reaching his shoulders, and his eyes are dark and tired. He's a shadow of the Tsukiyama Shuu that used to exist, the _gourmet_ , the person he was before Kaneki died.

Then, just as quickly as he disappeared, Kaneki Ken comes back.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Haise Sasaki.

Or, as he was previously known, Kaneki Ken.

It's him, Kanae's sure of it. When he broke into his apartment, the scent was undeniable. It was that same unique smell, the smell of a half-ghoul. The same smell that had Shuu so enamored. Everything about the apartment was so _Kaneki_ , that it had to be him. It absolutely had to be.

Kanae can't tell Shuu. He can't let Kaneki back into his life. Kaneki was the one that made him like this, he's the reason Shuu has become an empty vessel, a ghost of his previous self. He can't just let him back in and watch him fuck Shuu up all over again.

He has to get rid of him before he can get that far. It's obvious Haise doesn't remember anything about Shuu, or his life as Kaneki, but there's always the risk. The risk that he'll remember everything, and come running back, and Shuu will go back to his old self and they'll be happy again. Kanae will be cast back as he was before, left on the sidelines, second-best. He won't let that happen.

He's number one at the moment. He's the only person Shuu will respond to, and as selfish as it sounds, he doesn't want anyone else ruining it. He knows it's fucked up for him to _want_ Shuu to stay this way, to keep suffering, but there's no way he'll let Kaneki back in, not after the years Kanae has spent trying to rehabilitate Shuu, to no avail.

He needs to be the one Shuu loves. If it takes years, he'll let it take years. He'll wait, wait until he's forgotten all about Kaneki Ken. He's willing to kill someone for it. And at this rate, he's going to have to. For Kanae loves Shuu, and he can't have any obstacles in the way.

Haise Sasaki must die.

 

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is shirazuhtml if u wanna hit me up on there !!  
> thanks for reading B)


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